Most Common STI In Every State

October 19, 2023 journo

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America is a nation whose strength has long derived from its diversity. Even in the bedroom, U.S. citizens vary not just in their tastes, but also in what diseases they’ve contracted on what orifices while sleeping with each other. That, more than anything else, is what defines this country’s greatness. Here, The Onion looks at the most common sexually transmitted infection in every state.

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Pubic mice

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Tongue stuck to frozen penis

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Vaginal dementia

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Dang racoon crawled up in there again

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Undisclosed due to NDAs

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Genital altitude sickness

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Penis withering after entering vagina over age 25

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Something that’s both swollen and hard and also wet and inflamed. It’s bad, whatever it is.

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Iguana dong

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Bacterial antebellum

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Pubic fire

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Hepotato B

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Crotch beef

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Marital warts

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Scarecrow papillomavirus

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Lonesome penis

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A-well, ah say, ah say, ah say, genital herpes

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Can’t get STIs all alone in the lighthouse

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The golf clap

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The Green Monster

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Lead In Discharge

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Cool Whip fused to nipples

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No data due to lack of healthcare system

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The Mark Of The Devil

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Lasso burns

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Inflamed cob

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Genitals stuck together by sap

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The Situation

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Testicles cracked open to check for geode

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Forced to resign from political position

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Plantation simplex

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The Cincinnati Special

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Blue ribbon-winning, 250-pound herpes blister

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Proudly unshaven genital warts

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Rumspringa’s revenge

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Pussy barnacles

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Fall-off-the-groin chlamydia

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Seven-layer genital rash

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Saddle burn

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Vagina acquiring gun

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Brainfreeze from eating pussy too fast

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[Classified]

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Amazon Basics ™ Genital Herpes

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Genital rabies

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Third-degree burns from sensual cheese sauce

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Jackson Inflamed Hole

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