The First 2024 Presidential Debate By The Numbers

President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump are set to face off for the first presidential debate of 2024 in Atlanta, GA. The Onion breaks down the most critical facts and figures of the highly anticipated CNN debate, hosted by Jake Tapper and Dana Bash.

• 87%: Average viewer’s blood pressure spike.
• 135,000,000: American adults who were apparently worse choices for president.
• 73: Undecided votes at stake.
• 10: Number of times Trump will mention he can dunk a basketball.
• 673: Number of hours Biden spent with a gait coach for his approach to the podium.
• 7.8: Jake Tapper’s current rating on WikiFeet.
• 4 to 1: Ratio of Adderall to Xanax that Trump’s handlers call “the sweet spot” for this kind of event.
• 72: Age both candidates wish to appear on television.
• 2020: The last time both candidates won an election.
• $7,000 to $30,000: The average amount it costs to move overseas.