Trump Is Suing His Grandkids For Violating NDA’s He Made Them Sign As Infants

March 19, 2025 journo

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Donald Trump has just filed lawsuits against each of his grandchildren for leaking details of his personal life to their teachers, classmates, and sports coaches.

As soon as they started making babbling sounds as infants, Trump reportedly put a pen in their tiny hands and forced them to sign. He also reportedly gave them each fifty cents in hush money.

The following are details of Trump’s private life that his grandchildren have let slip in various public situations:

“Grandpa is meaner to Daddy than the villains in Disney movies are to the protagonists!” (Eric)
“I’m not going to fetch Grandpa any more Diet Cokes until he pays me. He says he’ll give me a dollar for each can I go get for him, but he never pays!”
“Grandpa’s Secret Service agents always put Vicks VapoRub under their noses when they have to get into the same car as Grandpa and drive him around.”
“Any time I’m visiting the White House, Grandpa always hands me memos to read out loud for him. Does Grandpa know how to read?”
“Grandpa spent all day teaching me how to cheat at golf, but why does he golf so much if he’s so bad at it?”
“One time, Grandpa’s teeth fell out, and I hid them, and he got very angry and hit Daddy a lot!” (Eric)
“We have three grandmas, and I’ve heard Grandpa say bad things about all of them!”
“Is Elon Musk our new uncle or something? He’s always around. Doesn’t he have a home? Why doesn’t he ever go there? It’s unfair Grandpa has spent more time with Elon’s kid than any of us!”
“Grandpa calls himself a ‘babe magnet,’ but I always see women running away from him, not toward him!”
“Grandpa said his next girlfriend will be my age!” (15)
“What is a ‘nitwit,’ and why does Grandpa call Daddy that every day?” (Don Jr.)
“Why do so many of Grandpa’s friends look like scary vampires and monsters?” (Rudy Giuliani, Stephen Miller, Roger Stone)
“I still have nightmares about the time I saw Grandpa with no makeup on and no hairspray in his hair.”
“Why do Grandma Melania and cousin Barron call Grandpa ‘Mushroom Man’ behind his back and burst out laughing? I want to know the inside joke!”
“Grandpa doesn’t let Daddy eat until Grandpa’s already full, and all the food is cold!” (Don Jr.)
“Grandpa made Daddy sit at the kids’ table with us during dinner tonight!” (Eric)
“Grandpa must really like sugar. His favorite is blue sugar. But he snorts it… I’ve heard of a sweet tooth, but not a sweet nostril!”
“Why does Grandpa always call Daddy a ‘globalist’ a lot?” (Jared Kushner)
“Grandpa borrowed my middle school yearbook, but never gave it back.”
“I’ve caught Grandpa stealing money from my piggy bank three times.”
“Grandpa told me never to eat any food Grandma Melania cooks when he’s around because he says he thinks she’s trying to poison him!”
“Grandpa smells bad, like my baby brother. Does Grandpa wear diapers too?”
“Grandpa once made Lindsey Graham stay in a dog kennel all weekend, and Kevin McCarthy on another weekend. Grandpa let me pour Diet Coke on them through the holes. I want Grandpa to do it to that Ted Cruz guy next! He’s a real creep. His daughters are my friends and they’re real nice, but I never want to have a sleepover at their house!”
“Why does Grandpa have so many pictures up of Auntie Ivanka, but none of Daddy or Uncle Eric?” 🥃

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