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SAN FRANCISCO—Pointing out that most of them don’t even own a professional sports team, local billionaire Felix Stacey gave his millionaire friends credit Monday for keeping him humble. “It’s easy to become out of touch when you have billions and billions of dollars, but I can always count on my millionaire…

NEW YORK—Maintaining his silence in the wake of sudden tragedy, new hire Will Rorke told reporters Monday that he was not yet comfortable enough to mention that he had seen a man die on his way into the office. “I wish I knew my coworkers well enough to open up about…

HILLSBORO, OR—Lambasting the verdict as “cruel” and “brash,” 3-year-old Ian Tobler reportedly vowed Monday to appeal his parents’ decision to keep his newborn baby brother. “I am deeply disappointed by my parents’ decision to bring Mateo home from the hospital, and I will continue to fight for justice,” said Tobler,…Read more…>read…

Southwest Airlines is shifting to assigned seats for the first time in its history, a change that will allow the low-fare carrier to charge a premium for some of the seats on its planes. What do you think?Read more…>read more at © The Onion…

The Olympic Village built for the 2024 Paris Summer Games is housing 14,250 athletes from 184 different countries. The Onion shares some of the most strict and surprising rules Olympians must follow during their stay.Read more…>read more at © The Onion…

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