LONDON—As the prestigious tennis event entered the quarterfinals, unenthused sources confirmed Tuesday that although Wimbledon continued to try to excite us, the ball still just went back and forth all day. “We really wish we could get excited by the ball going back and forth, but it’s simply not happening,” said…Read…
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Mischief reigns in a small Canada community after a kipnapping left a man’s garden vacant of the ten ceramic garden gnomes that resided there. Kelly Blair, a resident of Kelowna, B.C., woke up on a late June morning to discovery his garden gnomes had been stolen from his yard. Blair was…
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Several high-ranking members of Donald Trump’s former administration recently released a stunning, highly detailed document outlining how they would overhaul the federal government should he be reelected president. The following are the biggest takeaways from the Heritage Foundation’s 922-page political playbook…Read more…>read more at © The Onion…
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WALTHAM, MA—Heeding his supervisor’s order to get rid of the excess newborn mechanical quadrupeds, tearful Boston Dynamics engineer Leon Rosoff was forced Monday to drown several unwanted robot puppies. “I’m so sorry, little robofellas, but we don’t have the funding to maintain all of you,” said a sniffling Rosoff,…Read more…>read more…
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SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming they didn’t have anything like it back home, tourist Greg Foskey told reporters during his trip to California this week that he was excited to try one of those vegetables he’d heard so much about. “Whenever you mention California, people always bring up the vegetables, and I want to…
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Police officers in three states now have proof of intelligent life, after pulling over a UFO-like vehicle traveling across the country. Officer Darin Layman first spotted the unusual vehicle along the Interstate 44 in Missouri last week. He stoped the driver ostensibly for committing a lane violation and displaying an expired…
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The Supreme Court recently made it more difficult to prosecute Donald Trump in his election interference case, ruling 6-3 along ideological lines to grant him partial immunity from criminal charges. The Onion explores the pros and cons of bolstering Trump’s presidential power by making any “core” constitutional act…Read more…>read more at…
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